i didn't realize.

I asked someone close to me to read over my blog a week or so ago, and I was really challenged by what they said to me. I look over the blog posts from November on, and I realized that I am not posting about how I am feeling on a deeper level. I didn't realize that I wasn't letting people in fully. I think I need to be more open with my posts. I need to give those who read this information on how to pray effectively for me.

I am also at a point in this year where I need an outlet. I need to be able to write and I want to look back and be able to remember why I felt the way I did and what God was doing in my heart to make me feel as I did.

I am discovering (again) the power of prayer. I have started my day off, right after I wake up, by praying and my day goes so much better. One of my roommates has challenged me so much in the area of prayer, and I don't think she knows that she has done it. She comes to me and simply asks if we can pray. When things get crazy here or we start to feel bogged down spiritually, she comes to me and asks if we can pray. We have had some great times sharing our hearts with each other and coming before the Father with our concerns, our frustrations, our hurt, and our joy. But sometimes during prayer times, my spirit rebels. I start to get impatient with long prayers (even though I'm not the shortest winded person myself) and my mind starts to wander. This is an issue. I start to lose focus on God and start to focus on myself. Then, prayer becomes useless.

I am learning to focus in those times. I am learning to identify my wanderings and then try and focus. I fail. A lot. But I am trying, at least most times.